Welcome to day 1 of the gen 3 bachelor challenge! Rowan is our bachelor and he’s excited to find love…
… I said he’s excited to find love. Rowan, get that ‘puppy-who’s-just-been-kicked’ expression off your face this instant.
Rowan: Grandma is gone. What’s the point of anything?
But I got you this nice little bachelor pad in San Myshuno for the start of the bachelor challenge (until there’s an empty slot in the bachelor mansion). Isn’t the view amazing?
And there are 8 hot girls waiting to meet you.
Rowan: Go away, I’ll never feel happy again.
Oh I think you’ll be just fine in about 5 hours from now.
Rowan: You do not understand the depths of my grief.
The next day, I took Rowan to the romance festival to discover his romantic destiny.
Rowan: So, when do I get to meet the hot girls?
Not still depressed, I take it.
Rowan: No, that moodlet ran out hours ago.
For some reason the romance guru was standing behind this wall thingy.
Rowan: Got any pointers for my bachelor challenge?
Romance guru: A life without love is not one worth living.
(Yes this is exactly what she said).
Rowan: Was that supposed to be helpful? Because it wasn’t.
Yeah. Bit of a waste of time. Anyway, let’s fast forward to the next day when Rowan met the girls…
As usual, the contestants will be staying in the amazing ‘Love Mansion’ by Queenarella.
Rowan: I love dogs! Don’t you love dogs? They’re the best!
Melissa: I mean, they’re cute I guess. I’m more of a cat person.
Rowan: My family kind of has a cat.
Melissa: Kind of?
Rowan: Well, he died before I was born from drinking my eldest sister’s potty water. But, he still hangs about in the crypt as a ghost.
Melissa: Your house has a crypt?
Rowan: Isn’t that normal?
(Rowan autonomously decided to enthuse about dogs to Melissa).
Rowan: It’s been nice talking to you, but our 45 minutes is up. Can you please ask Rhianna to come over here next?
Melissa: But you’ve met me now. You’re not really considering marrying one of the others are you?
Rowan: Well that’s kind of what this whole thing is about.
Melissa: Ok Melissa, it’s game on. There’s no way I’m going to let those bitches steal my man.
To be clear, Melissa was not mean to Rowan or anything. She was just angry – must be the hot headed trait.
Rowan: Hi Rhianna, nice to meet you. I love your whole aesthetic.
Rhianna: Black is my favourite colour.
Rowan: My jumper’s probably a bit too bright for you, then.
Rhianna: Yeah. I hate it.
Rowan: So, where are you from?
Rhianna: I live in San Myshuno.
Rowan: No way! I’m staying in an apartment there.
Rhianna: But they told me you had a mansion in Willow Creek.
Rowan: I do, but for some reason the creator thought it’d be a good idea to move me all the way to San Myshuno for like 2 nights.
It makes perfect sense guys, don’t question it.
Rowan: We match! You’ve got a butterfly on your jacket and I have a dog face on my jumper.
Britta: Looks more like a bear face.
Rowan: Oh shoot, you’re right. They told me it was a dog at the store.
Britta: Dog, bear, doesn’t matter to me. I love all animals! So, it’s a cool jumper either way.
Rowan: We have something in common then, because I love animals too. Now that I’m the heir, I’m allowed to finally get a dog.
Yes yes I haven’t forgotten. But first you need to find a wife.
Emmy: Hi, I’m Emmalyn but you can call me Emmy, everyone does.
Rowan: So, Emmy, where do you come from?
Emmy: I’m from Britechester.
Rowan: Isn’t that that big university town?
Emmy: Yes, that’s the one. It’s such a wonderful environment for learning and academia. Nurturing the mind is so important, don’t you think?
Rowan: Girls with brains are really hot.
You’re a genius, my dude. So please think with your head, ok?
Rowan: Which one?
Rowan: So, are you a vampire?
Phoebe: A vampire? No. Why would you think that?
Rowan: Well the only person I know with ears like yours is my grandad in his dark form and he’s a vampire.
Phoebe: I’m a spellcaster. Some of us have pointy ears too.
(Rhianna is also a spellcaster but it didn’t come up).
Rowan: … Anyway, when he was a teen, my brother, Oly, got to galivant around seducing his entire year at highschool while I was never allowed to have even one girlfriend. No, I had to spend every free moment in Strangerville fighting a giant plant which, by the way, almost ate me!
Phoebe: I’m so sorry… Wait, did you just say that a plant tried to eat you?
For crying out loud, Rowan! Complaining about your love life to a girl you just met is not a good look. Yes he did actually complain about his love life autonomously to Phoebe…
Rowan: Nice outfit, very sexy.
Valda: Thank you. Your jumper’s a bit cutesy, isn’t it? With the teddy bear?
Rowan: Sigh, I thought it was a dog. Can we just pretend that it’s a dog?
Valda: We can, but it’s still not to my taste.
Valda: I could always knit you another jumper. A nice black jumper? Or maybe dark red – then we could match.
Rowan: Knitting? You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?
Rowan: EEK EEK EEEEK!!
Valda: What’s he doing?
Rowan: Um sorry. Nervous tick.
Rowan: All I want is someone to love, but I’ve been alone for so long. And sometimes when I see happy couples together, I just want to scream from jealousy.
Jane: Oh my!
Hells bells! I thought we agreed that complaining about your love life was not a good look?
Rowan: I’m sorry, I didn’t scare you off, did I?
Jane: No, I know just how you feel. I’ve entered a bachelor challenge before, but it didn’t work out between me and the guy. It can be hard not to feel jealous.
Jane: But, on the bright side, it’s lovely weather today, isn’t it? Maybe that’s a sign for both of us. Every cloud has a silver lining, you know?
Rowan: Yeah I suppose so.
Jane did autonomously talk about the weather to Rowan.
Rowan: Wow, that’s quite a dress.
Jackie: Those are real diamonds embroidered onto the bodice, you know. My uncle had it custom made by the best designers in Champs Les Sims, and it was very very expensive. But I’m worth it.
Rowan: I don’t know anything about fashion, but it’s certainly very pink.
Jackie: Is that a good thing?
Rowan: Yes, you’re rocking it!
Jackie: Oh, I know. I can rock anything.
Back in Rowan’s bachelor pad now. What do you think of the girls, then?
Rowan: I know who I want to marry.
Already? Which one?
Rowan: Not one. All of them.
I sent Rowan to the house to hang out. I didn’t direct him to talk to anyone, but rather waited to see who would autonomously talk to him (or if he would autonomously talk to anyone).
I should at this point mention that I have removed almost ALL potential distractions from the bachelor mansion: no waterslide, no video gaming console, no BBQ grill, no bubble blower, no dart board, no chessboard, no speakers, no footballs, no ping pong table, no football table, the pool is now behind a locked door and the door to the gym is also locked. This is to encourage more autonomous conversation.
The only potential distractions which I have left are the bookcases and the TV. So, what did Rowan gravitate towards as soon as he entered the house? The fucking television, of course.
Rowan: You misunderstand my strategy. I’m waiting to see who will come to me.
You’re being lazy, that’s what you’re doing.
Rowan: Um creator, we have a problem. The TV’s bust.
You needn’t think I’m going to replace it. You’ve lost your television privileges.
Rowan: But what am I meant to do now?
Oh gee I don’t know… Maybe talk to your potential brides?
What’s this? Rhianna actually comes and talks to Rowan!
Rhianna: I see the TV broke. As a spellcaster, I’ll be able to fix broken appliances like that once I’ve learned a bit more magic.
Rowan: Could you try to fix it now?
Rhianna: I could try… But I’m not sure what the outcome would be.
Rowan: What do you mean?
Rhianna: Well, the spell would either fix the TV or blow us all to smithereens.
Rowan: Is it me or is it hot in here?
Rhianna: Is he coming onto me already?
He was just complaining about the heat though. Maybe take that sweater off if you’re hot, Rowan?
Rowan: No way. This dog sweater is awesome, I’m not taking it off.
Teddy bear sweater, you mean.
Britta: Someone needs to tell this pushy goth chick to stop monopolising the bachelor’s attention. He’s here for all of us, not just for her.
Rhianna: You realise I can hear every word you say.
Britta: Yeah, that was the point.
And Valda turns up too.
Rowan: I don’t want any arguing on my account. You seem like lovely girls and I can’t wait to get to know all of you.
Britta: In your face, goth girl! He doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.
Rowan: That’s not what I –
Valda: Which of us is she talking to? We’re both goth girls.
Rhianna: To me I think.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, the other 5 girls have decided to have a mothers meeting rather than talking to the bachelor.
Emmy: But none of us are mothers.
It’s just a figure of speech.
Jackie: … And then he said my dress was very pink! I think it’s obvious he likes me best, don’t you?
Melissa: Huh. You don’t have a chance.
Melissa: Well neither do you, pointy ears.
Phoebe: What was that, ET?
(Melissa is an alien although she doesn’t have an alien skintone).
Meanwhile Jane is admiring the microwave and Emmy is staring into space. Good start, girls.
Rowan: So, how’s your first day here been?
Valda: Honestly, nobody told me it was going to be this intense and competitive. I feel a bit lost.
Rowan: Don’t worry, I have no idea how these things work either. I just do what the creator tells me to.
Rowan: You know, the voice in our heads that controls our lives.
Valda: I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.
The first day is over now. Time to go back to your little apartment in San Myshuno.
Rowan: Awww can’t I move into the mansion now?
Nope, not until after the first eviction when we’ll have a free household slot for the mansion.
Rowan: But I don’t want to kick anyone out.
That’s how bachelor challenges work.
Rowan: I still think it’d be easier if you just let me marry all of them.
Sorry dude, no can do.